some guy in lebanon

this post has really only a round-about connection with jordan, which i won’t explain. it is also intended to be vague, and it’s quite likely that nobody will understand it. ah well – just feel like throwing out a spur of the moment thought.

isn’t it odd that the smallest, most seeming inconsequential moments of passing thought can launch us into a completely ridiculous tangential three-hour-long consideration? what exactly did God have in mind when he built our minds to be essentially chess players with the past? we seem to want to relive and revisit our mistakes so often without acknowledging that in our mistakes are moments of extreme clarity. usually a mistake is an explosively honest moment – even lying, an obviously dishonest mistake, is an immediate truthful exposition of our dishonesty. cheating the same. but sometimes, it’s less black and white than that.

sometimes, i believe, a mistake boils down to one moment of opportunity not taken, marked by a deliberate attempt for years to make up for it, which is usually impossible. and then, when we finally do get over it, some silly little thing drags it all back to the surface.

i personally believe that the best thing about mistakes is the recognition of how honestly a mistake portrays our true character – sometimes, even, in moments of extreme realization, we recognize how something we thought we wanted so badly in the past now seems entirely inconsequential, or at the very least, far less attractive.

maybe this is part of growing up, or maybe it’s part of the process of finding new things that we see really mean something to us. in this particular case, something i thought i used to want finally is available, and now, not only do i not want it, but i’m so incredibly happy with what i have.

we certainly are peculiar creatures. i always say that it was God’s greatest achievement to take a creature that was virtually omniscient and completely incapable of irrational thought and make it the most irrational, close-minded, and idiotic being on our planet. but i like it that way. it certainly makes things more interesting…

year. jordan’s still great – i’m now pretty much eating for two, which is nice because i eat a lot. as long as my stomach is home to a guest, i might as well treat him with arab hospitality.

much love all – leigh i miss you!

will